Thursday, January 12, 2012
难过 @ 9:31 PM
每次怀孕，老公就特别爱与同事出去喝酒。我很讨厌他这样子。我怀孕，我变得很胖很自卑，希望他可以陪我，不要出去。他却觉得非得与同事出去，也认为我应该了解那是所谓的私人空间。私人空间如果变得要让老婆凌晨开车带女儿先回家，让老婆凌晨3点因为老公一个简讯都没有又还没到家而担心，让老婆看到老公从早上8点就一直断断续续跑到厕所里吐，而且我也说明我不喜欢他这样，那是不是该改变一下他所谓的私人空间时做的事？
我想这是结婚以来哭得最惨的一次。他竟然说他感觉不到我想从前一样爱他。我去哪里都先只想到女儿或老公。都会买他喜欢的东西。他说我们婚后都没有沟通。我每天都得问他当天做了什么，话题都是我先开始的。但怀孕了比较累，谈的也都不是什么新鲜刺激他爱听的吧。他说我不爱他？那我也想问他，那个以前会在我难过时哄我，向我说对不起的人在哪里？上街由我主动牵他的手，看电影由我先挽着他的手臂，上车后由我先打开话题谈话。我们心情不好，以前的我一定闹脾气，现在的我尝试多跟他说话让他心情好点，但他只会给我冷淡、毫无表情的答复。我做的这些他都看不到了。。。
回来以后，直接进了书房，等到看了上传的文字才出来质问我那是什么意思，说我们需要谈一谈。
婚姻是爱情的坟墓，我应该能够了解。
孩子能为婚姻增添幸福，我不肯定那一定发生在我身上。
我现在很难过，那是一定的。
Sunday, November 06, 2011
Jung Geun Suk @ 4:46 AM
first KT, 10 years and going.
and now, completely smitten by this korean guy. hahaha...(d' won't be jealous)
caught 2 of his dramas and 1 movie. Jung Geun Suk. You sure are a charmer.
Acting skills superb, singing skills superb. I mean, he's only 24.... 
Monday, October 31, 2011
how i feel as a mother @ 9:56 PM
can't believe what happened last night. nice one aunty.
听到你两句"你喜欢就好"根本还摸不着脑袋,电话就挂断了。我妈会在九点半结束他的麻将局，让我过去载她吗？不明。
接着妈妈打回来，淡淡地说自己会坐阿姨的车回来。回来又是一幅死鱼脸。说话没好气。
我忍不住问了。也爆发了。
so how did all these happen? i don't think i can even trace it back.
So my mom hurt her back and brought natalie to my grandma's to stay. My aunty helped to look after nat. All along she has showered her with a lot of care. everyone does actually. So there has always been this issue of me & d' unable to see natalie because my mom brought her to aunty's place and we are not aware of until we called my mom up. and also how relatives of MY SIDE request we let her stay there or bring her here, in order to cheer my uncle up when he's down.
So yes, to me as a mother, i have my husband upset because of all this but we are definitely appreciative of them willing to look after natalie when we need the help. so it has been months...
So we decided to bring her back on tuesday night for wednesday deepavali holiday as D's relatives were coming over to see her and they seldom get to see her. Aunty & mom said why not we don't bring her back for the weekend as they are all going to return on sunday and just let natalie stay for another weekend and spend time with my grandma & uncle (but they see her every alternate weekend..) I said no and perhaps jokingly said "but this one is my daughter leh". but yes, she IS my daughter and why should i let her stay over the weekend when i need time to bond with her myself???
we gave in and said we will bring her back on Saturday afternoon after my gynae appointment. So here comes the issue. On saturday morning on my way to gynae, my godma called and said she has brought natalie and the whole lot for breakfast and would like to bring her out in the afternoon, hoping i will not pick her up so soon. Fine. since Godma needs to bond with her too, i said we will call her again in late afternoon to check where they are and she kept repeating we should not be too early. okay change of our plans.
she called me again at 4pm and said they were in takashimaya and having a lot of fun but natalie took her nap so she want us to pick nat after both d' & 1 have gone for dinner. FWHAT?? yes. i had my husband shooting a glare over at me. of course no, we were suppose to bring natalie to join father in law for dinner..... so i told my godma d' is going for reservist and we had to have dinner with dad. WHY DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN SOOOOO MUCH JUST TO PICK UP MY DAUGHTER????? IDK!!!!!!
i said d' is not going to be happy and godma said let her talk to d' instead. d' was firm in his tone and then after a few lines, he threw the phone on the bed and asked me to settle it. :(((
when i finally said we will pick her up at 6pm, godma didn't sound so pleased either.
tell me. WHAT THE FUCK??!
So we went over, everything was fine, Nat was having fun, we bidded goodbye to her granduncle, grandaunty (i thanked her for taking care of nat these 2 weeks), great grandma and we left. I promised to bring her back there next weekend, saying nothing about bringing her back just the next day when we pick mum up.
Then came Sunday when we were suppose to pick my mom up, called up my grandma's to check if mom will be on time, 2 auntys came to pick the phone but did not even get to speak to my mom. Aunty said "uncle is missing natalie so much, you bring her up to let him see for a while" but no, dad was around and we have decided to let nat stay with them in our house while we go over to just pick my mom. yes, that's when i got my 你喜欢就好 X 2. and the END of our phone conversation. WTF?!!?!
so i had to swallow that nonsense down? yes intended to but my mom's horrible tone and expression made me unable to!
so during our thrashing out, she said i threw her face by saying that "but she is my daughter" few days back and that made my aunty upset. FWAHHHHHHH. i lost it. so who will care about how i feel as a parent who has to explain and plead just to get my daughter back by my side? she said i have let people feel bad but i seriously think they are not, because they are still asking us to accede to ridiculous requests and i think they will continue to do so. found myself hiding in my 'fav' corner crying at midnight a while later.
how's it now? mom still showing her displeasure, we're not talking. she behaves so close to my sis and speaks to her in a nice tone while giving me the cold shoulder.
So i should be happy when people love my child? Yes i am. I know she is blessed. But i can't possibly be happy when people are giving me all sorts of reasons to stop me from bringing her home or seeing her. Thanks for the nice clothes and the toys. I should feel sad when my daughter stops being loved and no one wants to play with her? Yes i probably will but i can play with her if that happens.
Natalie is not as close to me as she is to my mom definitely. But she acknowledges me, kisses me on my forehead, calls me repeatedly when d' & i are with her and my mom is not around. I need the time with her because when others are around, she tends to play with them and not want my presence as much.
I AM TRULY VERY UPSET...
Saturday, September 10, 2011
are you hurting someone via the net? @ 7:06 PM
sometimes i wonder why we even post everything on fb. beats me. i do that too. but always be careful and think twice about what you're going to post as it is such a powerful tool and the response and consequences may be too great for you to handle.
I have a colleague who posted something against me but well, she removed the post probably someone reminded her of consequences, or, better still, she was still clear-headed. i couldn't get hold of the evidence and she got away with it. but things are better now. no more such things i hope.
you also will not want to post something negative of someone close to you just because the person is not a facebook user. i really see no point in writing something so demeaning to that person, causing friends in fb to have a bad impression of him/her. if your friends do not know the person well, they will trust your judgement and think negatively of that person. that is the effect you have created. then one day, when you feel happy, you decide to declare your love for this person and forget the fact that you have ruined his reputation before. friends may appear to be neutral but i suppose they feel kind of weird reading your totally conflicting posts. do not hurt the person you love. internet is for all to view and i certainly believe some things are still best to be kept private. we do not want to know your quarrels with your love (though it's real good gossip stuff!) we can survive without knowing all these info you know? :)
it's just contradicting and it makes people think what kind of person you are if you can even treat your closest one like this.
all of us post unhappy posts when we are upset, disappointed etc. but the ball is in your hands, to decide if you want to disclose more details or even write all the nasty remarks about the person that you can never take back...
i do not disclose my arguments, nor my unhappiness in marriage to friends or via the powerful internet tools. unless it's very grave matters, i will not tell my mother or my close friends. i think in a way, it's to protect the relationship and the person involved. it's definitely not to uphold the 'happy marriage' reputation as some people may view it as. my colleague holds the exact same view and 'policy' as me. she finds no need to pour her heart out to her close friends when she has a fight with her husband but her friends seem to have the habit to do that. when they find that she actually does have problems with her husband at times (who doesn't?!?! i don't believe in PERFECT marriages), they decided to distant themselves from her and said she's not a real friend and she's trying to make herself look good before them, people who have problems. ok, i mean, WHAT THE HELL???
so what if you let people know all your problems? you want all that support when you are feeling well. we understand. but, try to hold yourself together. sometimes, it may be good to settle the issue between yourselves instead of blasting it to your friends first. and it's true enough, sometimes, the person really doesn't know what you want.
one sentence to sum it all, grow up and be mature. after all, it's a marriage (of few years) you are talking about. and the person you claim to love most. since you've chosen him, accept all his weaknesses (and his family???!), or let him know what you expect and just hope he will change.
okay. that is all about my viewpoint. this is not a blog that is popular so i shouldn't have people writing comments to attack me. if you ever read this and find i'm targeting at you, maybe you've done something like this and will want to reconsider your actions..?
now, instead of posting this on fb, i think it's better to post here. i wanna shout it out loud. :P
natalie is going to be a sister next april :DDD
please let me be less hungry, grant me less weight gain! and of course, a healthy baby, though it is only 4cm big
goodbye~ till the next time i am free!
Monday, July 04, 2011
new house happy events! @ 12:46 AM
anyway, to keep it stayin' alive, i shall talk about my moving into the new flat and post my beloved natalie's first birthday photos!
took place in our new flat and we had relatives and friends who came over for this joyous housewarming and birthday celebration. time really flies. it has already been 2 weeks since we have moved into this place and how glad am i to say that we really love the place. all the effort and money spent for renovation was worth it (except for some more rectification to wiring in the kitchen to be done).i love bathing in my master bedroom bathroom which looks just so nice. we kept things simple for the living hall and our bedroom for we want our place to look as cosy and comfortable for the mind and soul when we return from a day of hard work. natalie's room was sort of designed by me. colors and wardrobe etc. study room was by both me & d' and we chose lime green , black & white to be a bit more daring :D all IKEA furniture in the study! may need to convert it into another kid's room if need be. so cheap furniture is the way to go!
i always joke about how me & d' are so young but we are married and have a car, a baby, a flat BUT no money. honestly, money is never enough and after all the shopping for household items (which is still going on!), it is really sucking our accounts dry. but i'm sure we are not the only ones out there like this.
i'm happy with my life (though not my job). happy with married life, my very cute and lovable daughter, and my silly husband (who both make me wanna vomit blood at times YET they bring me most laughter). Also very thankful to supportive mother and father-in-law, who both love their granddaughter to bits. (gugu & yiyi love her soooo much too!)
i will say i am blessed. Heaven, you've been kind. please continue to bless me and my family with good health and happiness in life :))
alright! now i shall end off with the photos!
Friday, April 08, 2011
why are things so bad @ 4:48 AM
Been asking myself why over the last few months. Both me and my colleagues are questioning ourselves "Are we incompetent? Is there something wrong with our time management"
I guess we both know the answer deep down but to change everything, you need a lot of courage. but if we do not take the plunge early, we will never be able to as time passes.
work and friendship is another issue. how can we clearly separate friendship issues from work issues? are we able to forget all the unhappiness at work and smile at each other happily just after hours the issue took place? Maybe some people can. I can't. And i feel rather miserable about this because I really thought it will not happen again, at least not so soon again.
arhhh miserable post. this Sat is going to be the 4th consecutive weekend burnt for work issues.
anyway, ID 3D design viewed. Not too bad i guess. Will be selecting tiles, toilet stuff and lightings soon! WOOT!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
painful @ 11:37 PM
it is too sudden and too painful for the family to endure.
why take away the happiness at the loss of one when happiness just arrived not long ago with the addition of one.
be strong Doris & Denis. may the lord really guide the little boy to heaven, where he deserves his happiness.